The Rise of Neff
Chapter 1
My name was Lauren Marie Lucien. Well, until I left home. Though I had tried when I was 7 to get my parents to call me Nephrose Lance Pattin, or Neff, but no such luck. My parents were not very compromising. That day my father had stared at me for a beat, laughed and distinctly told me to change into something appropriate. Evidently the jeans and t-shirt that had once been my brothers were not appropriate clothing for a girl. He really did have some Neanderthalic beliefs and practices that he forced on our family, especially my older brother, Artie, and I.
So I did what he told me to do, I changed into a pretty dress and made my way out to the kitchen to be with the rest of the girls that were over for my parents' barbecue. I planted myself at the table behind the giant bowl of potato salad and watched as my mother, her sister my favorite aunt, Aunt Tusu, my father's sister, Aunt Penne and Aunt T's 'friend', Uncle Bernie, short for Bernadette, danced around the kitchen prepping ingredients chatting wildly as the oldies station played in the backyard. Even then I loved my Aunt Tusu and Uncle Bernie, who had always been family, more than I did my own parents.
After that night, I managed to make it through the next few years flying under the radar. It was 8 years later that my life fell apart. I had been hiding Neff and his clothes until Momma and Daddy were gone. It was going pretty well, I thought until one afternoon. I had gotten home from school and stripped out of the mandatory girl garb and was getting comfortable in Neff's clothes when my father barged into my room.
"What the hell are you doing?" he screamed at me as I quit adjusting "my package".
My guilt and surprise showed all over my face. He was so mad he told me to stay in my room and not to come out until I was called. Just plain freaking out, I quickly removed my pants, package, bindings and shoved everything into the half empty duffle bag in the bottom of my closet. Then dressing in my father's favorite pink ruffled dress with matching shoes, I coiffed my hair, spritzed some perfume and applied a layer of lip gloss just to perch on the edge of my bed waiting for my punishment hoping that I wouldn't have to throw out Neff's clothes.
Hours passed and my legs were going numb. I had listened to my parent's whisperings and shufflings from their bedroom, but still nothing at my door. Not even from Artie. Finally a slight knock on my door and my parents entered.
"Louisa," my mother started, "Why do you want to wear boys' clothes?"
Straightening up, looking her in the eye, "Momma, I like them. I am comfortable in them and..." My confidence wavered, stopping my voice momentarily long enough for Daddy to cut in.
"Louisa, are you..." He cleared his throat, "Louisa, do you like boys?"
Staring at him blankly I decided that I wasn't going to lie anymore. Shaking my head, "No, Daddy. I do not like boys; outside of wanting to be one." There I had said it!
While internally celebrating my bravery, the outside was getting quite scary.
My mother had burst into tears and run from the room with her face buried in her hands, her sobs trailing behind her. Daddy on the other hand, had turned purple and was seething. When he finally did speak, he hissed through his teeth, "You like girls."
Not a question really. I was definitely a statement.
I steeled myself for his reaction, "Yes, Daddy. I find girls attractive. In the same way you do."
"You want to dress as a boy? Become a boy?"
Again, "Yes, Daddy."
"You're a lesbian." Another teeth grinding statement versus an inquiry.
Nodding smoothly, "Daddy, I am a trans male."
"A WHAT?!?" He wiped his handkerchief across his sweaty face. Breathing deep he tried again, "Is this for attention? Are you punishing your mother? Artie? Me?"
Standing up, I strode to him and set my hand on his arm. "Daddy, who I am, is not to punish anyone. If anything it’s a celebration of me and my ability to live in a time of freedom to choose and love as my heart and body see fit."
He seemed to deflate, but he quickly recovered blowing up to near twice his usual size. He swatted my hand off his arm and turned his brimstone filled eyes on me.
His next words sliced through my soul, "Then Louisa, you're dead to us until you change your ways;” Stepping back, "your mother, Artie and myself." Wiping away my hand as if it were something vile, "You have 3 hours to collect what you want to keep and get the hell out of my house or I'll have the police here to remove you."
"But, Daddy," I called through the door in complete shock. "Where will I go?" I begged.
He stopped, throwing over his shoulder, "Not my problem. So long as you choose to live like trash you can live in the gutter. You're not welcome in my house until you decide to be who you are supposed to be. Time is wasting." With that he was gone.
Chapter 2
I had stood staring stupidly at the space he had just occupied. When I had come to my senses, sort of, I did the only thing I could think to do. I knew once my father made the law, there was no use trying to get anyone else to have my back. all I could do was face that at 15 years old I was on my own. I had looked at the clock...t-minus 2 hours 47 minutes and counting.
Resolved to the situation I slammed the bedroom door, ripped out of "Daddy's favorite dress", shredding every piece I could get to tear. When the dress was nothing but scrap, I grabbed Neff's duffle bag from the closet and released Neff from his prison never to be locked away again.
Dressed for my new life I spent the next two and a half hours digging all of Neff's things out of their hiding places. Once Neff's things were all packed I grabbed one more thing...Louisa's journal. You see her journal not only held all of her and Neff's feelings, but it also held the almost $1000 I had saved from working part time at Max's Grill in town this past year and Uncle Bernie's belt buckle. I'm not sure why Uncle Bernie had left it to me, but maybe she knew who I was before I did. Honestly, it wasn't what I had wanted but at least it was something to remember him by.
Reminiscing over the buckle there was a quiet noise near my door, turning I called out, "I still have 10 minutes." Ripping the door open, no one was there just an envelope. I didn't have time to peruse the envelope so I just threw it in my bag and turned to have one more look around at the little girl room that I would more than likely never see again.
Shouldering my bag I caught my reflection in the mirror over the vanity. looking very much the part of a boy except for the long, auburn ponytail wagging from side to side as I stared back at myself.
Reaching into the vanity drawer I pulled out the craft scissors kept there, grabbing Louisa's ponytail with my other hand and chopped the nefarious length off directly above the rubber band.
After the lump of hair was free, I dropped both on the vanity and ran my hands through Neff's new shortened 'do. Looking at myself in the mirror, I couldn't help but smile at Neff's new hot guy look staring back at me. "You got this, Neff." hiking the strap up, "Let's give them something to be sorry about." I walked out of my parents' house with no plan, no options and no clue, but I held my head high.
Looking back, I can't remember the fear I felt being 15 with no home, no family and no idea. I do remember finally being free and that was the most important thing at that time.
That first night, I slept huddled behind the cardboard dumpster at Max's. Good thing it was spring or I could have frozen to death. the next morning not sure of what to do I decided to use my employee discount one more time.
Max's was owned by a youngish man named Trevor. He had bought the place almost 2 years ago and hadn't changed anything. The place still ran, and smelled, the way it had since holly jolly Maxseen Noctre had opened the dive over 35 years ago.
I flung my stuff into the farthest booth and went to the counter to place my last order ever in this little town that had been my life.
"Morning, Lou!" Trevor smiled, "Nice 'do, dude!" What are you doing here so early? Do you work today?" Trevor had always treated me decently. he was also the only one that had known about my trans concerns and he couldn't have cared less. As long as I did my work and kept to my word, we were square.
I had run my hand through my hair self consciously, "Um no. I'm just hungry."
Trevor had cocked his eyebrow and looked at me for a second, "Okay," grabbed his apron from the peg. "What can I get you?"
I exhaled, relieved that he hadn't pressed further. "The usual, please."
"You got it! One grilled onion chicken burger with everything and a family size appetizer sampler, coming right up." From inside the kitchen, he called out, "Get your drink. This will be right out."
I got my drink, sat back down in the booth with my things and pulled out the large sealed envelope that had been snuck under my door. Mother's tight script on the outside had been concise and backhanded. Much like mother...
"This will help if you decide that we're not worth much as your family. ♥, M"
A HEART?!? She had sealed it with a heart! Are you kidding me? Crazy damn woman.
I opened the envelope to receive yet another backhand. The envelope had my birth certificate, social security card, my passport, a picture of Artie, a picture of Mother and Father, a disposable cell phone and a cashier's check from a bank in Roxanne, the next town over, made out to me for $16,500. I was staring dumbfoundedly at the check when Trevor set my food on the table.
"You good, kid?"
"Um," putting everything back in the envelope, "Yes. Thank you, Trevor. It looks great." I made sure everything was tucked in my bag securely before I dug into my food.
As I finished my food, Trevor returned with a cup of coffee and sat across from me in the booth.
"So, you're leaving, huh?" He asked sipping from his coffee cup.
"Don't have much of a choice." I snapped, wiping my mouth.
He nodded, drinking from his mug again. "I can see that."
I waited for what felt like years, but he never said another word.
"Where you hoping to go?" another sip.
I shrugged, "I could use an Uber."
"Okay. Let me lock up and a-Uber-ing we will go." he had disappeared and reappeared before I had wrapped my brain around what had just happened. "Let's go, Lou." He was already holding the door.
I had gathered my stuff and was tucked in his Prius before he asked, "Where to, Lou?"
I felt scared, elated, confused and pissed all at the same time. "Oh, uh, um, Roxanne. the CDCU on 9th and Blasings."
"Okay." He had put the car in gear and we were on our way, no questions asked.
"Hey, Trevor?"
"Yes?" He asked as he navigated the bustling traffic of the morning commuters.
"Can you call me..." I choked afraid to say the name out loud.
"Sure," he giggled, "what's your number, Lou?"
"No, um..." I cleared my throat, "can you please call me Neff and not Lou or any form of my parent's choice in names for me?"
He peeked at me out of the corner of his eye, "Neff, huh?"
I nodded, unable to say anything through my dry lips.
"I can do that." He nodded, changing lanes. "Neff, as we make our way to Roxanne there is something you need to know.
Chapter 3
Sitting on the bench at the bus depot, I couldn't stop reliving the last few hours. First, my father had not only kicked me out of his house, but also out of his family. Second, my mother, in her ever manipulative way, was trying to be helpful. Thirdly, and the most paramount of all, where am I going to stay tonight?
Using the throw away my mother had given me, I dialed. Hoping she was home.
On the fifth ring, just as I was getting ready to disconnect the line she answered.
"Hello?"
"Aunt Tusu? Can you help me?"
"Neff? Honey, where are you?"
I couldn't have stopped the tears from sliding down my face anymore than I could have stopped the words from flowing. I had told her the abridged version, but her silent huffing told me she could fill in the parts I was omitting.
After I ran out of steam, Aunt Tusu cleared her throat. "Baby, is this number one I can call you back on?"
Looking at the phone in my hand, I nodded, "Yeah. I guess so."
"Can you get somewhere safe? For say about 15 minutes or until I call you back?"
"Of course." Nodding like a damned fool again.
"Okay. I'll call you right back, baby. I love you. Be safe."
"I love you, too, Aunt Tusu." With that the line went dead, I pulled my bag closer to my side and sat on the bench watching the people as they boarded the busses, fondling the phone praying Aunt Tusu would hurry up and make it ring.
Ten minutes after disconnecting, the phone began to vibrate in my hand.
"Aunt Tusu?" I begged as put the phone to my ear.
"Yes, baby. Are you okay?"
"I'm good."
"Are you safe?"
"So far, so good."
"Good, but not good enough." I could hear her russling around. "Where are you at, Neff?"
"I'm at the bus station in Roxanne."
"I know exactly where you're at. I want you to stay on the phone with me, but I need you to start walking."
"Walking?" What?! "To where, Aunt Tusu?"
"Listen carefully. Head out the front entrance. When you hit the sidewalk, make a left."
"Okay, Tusu, but where am I going?" Feeling impatient. Was that a car door?
"I can feel you getting rammy, Neff. I need you to keep it together and just trust me."
"Yes, ma'am."
"I'll explain when I see you, love. Have you reached the end of the block, yet?"
"Yes, ma'am."
"There's a bench on the opposite corner?"
"Yes."
"Wait there, until I call you back."
"Okay." After crossing the street, I flopped down on the bench. Waiting, again, for the phone to ring.
Flipping a page in the book on my lap, the phone's vibration made me jump. "Hello?" Pushing my book back into my duffle.
"Neff?" a man's voice inquired.
"Who is this?" beginning to feel panicked.
"My name is Tarlyn. I am a friend of your Aunt Tusu's."
"Ok. Well, Tarlyn, where the hell is she?"
"She asked me to call you and arrange a place for pick up."
"Pick up?" I was stunned. "Where is Tusu?"
"She is making arrangements to meet us halfway."
"I think I need to speak to her first."
"There is no time. If you want to go to her, we need to make plans now."
"I, I, um-"
"We do not have time to hem and haw. Do you want to see Tusu?"
"Of course, I do."
"Then where are you at? I can be to you in less than ten minutes."
Weighing my options for a few moments, I sighed and told him. "I'm down the block from the Roxanne bus depot."
"Fine. Watch for an old red truck. I'll see you soon."
Just that quick, the line had gone dead. What have I done?
In complete disbelief of my own stupidity, I quickly dialed Aunt Tusu's number. "Please answer, please answer, please answer." I chanted. Hoping she would answer the phone, but after being sent to voicemail 3 times in a row I punched the end button and flopped back onto the bench to wait for the truck which could end my life.
Chapter 4
Rust bucket were the only words I could think of to fit the vehicle that rattled to a halt in front of me.
“You Neff?” spoke the craggled voice from within.
Shouldering my bag, I stood and looked inside. “Yeah. You Tarlyn?”
“Sure enough. Call me Tarry. Climb in.” signaling for me to enter the decaying beast.
An orangy oxidized rain fell on my boots when I pulled open the door, “Sorry.” Eyeing the mess left on the roadway.
“No worries. She’s an old girl. When we get older we tend to leave things behind. Let’s get a move on.”
“Um, Tarry?” I began, fastening my seat belt.
“Yep” And we were on our way.
“How do you know Aunt Tusu?”
His laughter caught me by surprise.
“I have known Tutu since middle school. She saw me for who I really was before I even knew.”
Nodding politely, I said nothing. Well, that helped...NOT!
Still laughing, “Doesn’t look like that pleased your curiosity.”
Blushing, “No, I guess it didn’t.”
“Well we got some time, let me see if I can help you along.” Merging onto the highway.
We had traveled quite a bit before Tarry spoke again.
“I was 12 when I first met Tutu. I didn’t call her Tutu at the time,that would come later.” Maneuvering through traffic. “My folks and I had just moved to town over the summer. When the school year began, we were in the same homeroom. For the first couple weeks I was invisible, but then the boys started to notice I wasn’t a normal girl. A few of them decided it was their job to show the contempt and dissatisfaction the collective felt towards me.”
He glanced over at me., “Do you understand?”
Staring blankly, I felt my anxiety rise up my back. “Are you…” I didn’t know how to finish the question without potentially insulting him.
“Transgender?”
Bowing my head, I nodded.
“Yes. I have been since the beginning of my life, but didn’t realize it until your Aunt told me when I was 13.”
“Really?!?” Snapping my head to look at him.
“For the next few weeks, the violence towards me elevated. It started out as pushing me around and stuffing me in lockers. Then it went to stealing my things and shoving my face into my lunch.”
“Wasn’t the principal or teachers doing anything?” I asked, dumbfounded.
“No.” he chuckled
“That sucks.”
“Yep.” Adjusting his seating. “The day Tutu stepped in to save my skinny a--, um,” clearing throat, “rump. The boys had me pinned on the floor of the art room. One was punching me in the face, another was kicking me in the stomach and the third was pulling my pants off. Tutu hd been walking by, heard my screaming, busted in and whipped her bookbag into the third guy’s head.” He chuckled.
Dumbfounded, I couldn’t do anything more than stare in awe at Tarry’s story.
“She was a tough, old bird even at a young age.”
“Then what happened?”
“The boys turned on Tutu, who stood her ground, fists raised ready to take on all three. I pulled my clothes straight and ran to the door.”
“You left her!?!” I screeched.
“Relax, little man. No way in hell was I gonna leave her.” Turn off the highway. “I ran to the door and pulled the fire alarm.”
The conversation lulled for a few minutes as we pulled into a rest area to gas up and grab some nosh.
“So, Tarry, what happened after you pulled the alarm?” I asked after we had evened out on the highway again.
Setting his coffee in the holder, “Mr. Cunningham, the arts teacher, busted open the door, yelling at us to fall in formation outside.”
“The boys got away with it?”
“They did that day. We grabbed our bags, the boys went to the left, Tutu and I took off to the right. We ran and ran until we thought we were going to collapse. We ended up out behind Max’s just before lunch rush.”
“Max’s? The burger joint by the highway?”
“That’s the one.” Taking a bite from his sandwich, he paused, watching the road. “We had only been there long enough to catch our breath when Maxie herself came out the kitchen door hauling buckets of muck from the fryers. She looked at us, asked for help and told us to come inside for some lunch.”
“I never met Maxie. Was she really that nice?”
“She was a great lady, but I wouldn’t have said nice.” he chuckled. “She had a charitable heart. She was a hard worker and she’d give you the shirt off your back if you needed it without a single question asked. However, if you tried to talk to her or spend time with her, you might as well as had tried to get her to vote Republican. Beautiful woman, but...forgive my language…” tipping his head in my direction, “she was one cantankerous old bitty. Even in her 30s.”
I couldn’t control the giggle that escaped. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to laugh, but you make her sound like a Fairy Godmother on a bender.”
“Ha!” he coughed out. “That sounds right.”
We rode in companionable silence for a few more miles before continuing on with his story.
“Anyway, it was a few months before the boys started to pick on me again.” He seemed to get lost in his memories. Suddenly, “It was Tutu that found me. The boys had grabbed me on my way to meet Tutu at the library. They dragged me behind the lumberyard, beat on me for who knows how long, before they pulled my clothes off and…”
Staring wide-eyed, I couldn’t believe my ears.
“Well, you can guess what happened. When they were done and had left me for dead, I curled up in a ball and lay there crying until I passed out. Could have been moments, minutes, hours, or months.” waving his hand in the air. “All I remember is waking to Tutu’s touch on my face. How she found me, I will never know, but she did.”
Not sure what to say, I took a bite from my burger so there was no room for my foot.
“She wrapped a lapghan around me and held me as I cried.” Chuckling, “Funny enough, if you had asked me I would have thought I was all teared out.”
“Lapghan? Why did she have a lapghan?” I inquired.
“I asked her that once, she told me she had a dream I told her she should not go to the library, but meet me behind the lumberyard and to bring a blanket.”
“A dream?”
“A dream. Not just. It was a dream that I had told her to bring me a blanket at the lumberyard when we had clearly made plans to meet at the library.”
“Weird.”
“Minimally, but she followed her dream and because of it she saved my life.”
“Really?”
“Yep. At least that’s my take on it. All things considered because I was sure I was dead, I am very, very glad that she followed the dream’s suggestion with no questions asked.”
“What happened after she found you?” Hesitantly queried.
“She helped me up, got me dressed and took me home where she made my folks call the police.”
Alarmed, “They weren’t going to call the cops?”
“Nope. They originally told me it was in my imagination and, perhaps, if I dressed appropriately they would not have had the inclination to prove I was or was not what I lied to people about being.” He snagged his coffee and took a long pull from the styrofoam cup.
“They believed…” I didn’t know what to say.
“My folks believed that me calling myself a boy was the reason those boys chose to beat on and rape me.” He flung his cup into the trash bag. “Neff, remember, sometimes people you love are assholes and there is nothing you can do about it. You just have to let them be who they are going to be and you be true to you. Understand?”
Looking at the discarded cup, my scraps of my burger growing cold in my hand, nodding, “Unfortunately.”
“All right. Enough of this heavy crap. Finish your burger, we’re just about there.” Motioning towards exit sign on the end of the highway.
“Yes, sir.” Taking a big bite of my burger. “Can I ask another question?” I spoke around a mouthful of meat and bread.
Smiling brightly, “Once you empty your mouth, yes.”
Nodding, chewing and trying not to choke, I swallowed a piece almost too big for my throat. “When did you know?”
“Know?”
Spiraling my hand, “You know. When did you know you were a, um, uh…” I couldn’t finish the sentence. The last time I had spoken the words out loud they had gotten me thrown out of the only home I had ever known. What if I said them now and got pitched onto the side of the road in the middle of god knows where?
“Are you asking me, when did I know I was a boy and not a girl?” He sniggered.
“Well, um, yes? When did you first know you weren’t a normal girl?” Diverting my eyes to my lap.
“No need to feel embarrassed. It’s all good. I don’t mind sharing with a kinfolk.” Taking the exit. “I was about seven when I first realized I wasn’t interested in the regular girl things, but it wasn’t until I was about eleven when I realized the reason behind my discomfort with societal norms.”
“Eleven? So was I!” I was almost feeling excited to find someone who had already forged a path. “Can I ask you another question?”
“Besides that one? Sure.” Tarry was nearly laughing by the time we stopped at the end of the off-ramp.
“How did your parents react when you finally came out to them?” stuttering.
“Ah.” Nodding understandingly, “They didn’t. They didn’t throw me out of their house entirely, but they did move me out to the above-garage-apartment and that is where I lived from approximately fourteen until I was seventeen. Then I got a free-ride to art school in the city and was gone with the wind. I never looked back and they never reached out.”
Dejectedly, “Oh.”
“I suppose it was as much my fault as it was theirs. I never tried to make contact again. They both passed away, Dad in a car accident and Mom to cancer, nearly ten years later.”
Unsure of what was going to happen next, I shrugged and finished my burger.
“And here we are.” Tarry declared, pulling into a scenic overlook. A very abandoned, very secluded and very suspicious scenic overlook.
“Um, uh, what are we doing here?” I asked, spinning my head around nervously.
“This is the Michels scenic overlook. This is where Tutu said to meet her.” Looking at his watch, “She should be around any minute now. We’re running a few minutes early.”
“Aunt Tusu is going to meet up here?”
“Supposed to.”
Rust bucket were the only words I could think of to fit the vehicle that rattled to a halt in front of me.
“You Neff?” spoke the craggled voice from within.
Shouldering my bag, I stood and looked inside. “Yeah. You Tarlyn?”
“Sure enough. Call me Tarry. Climb in.” signaling for me to enter the decaying beast.
An orangy oxidized rain fell on my boots when I pulled open the door, “Sorry.” Eyeing the mess left on the roadway.
“No worries. She’s an old girl. When we get older we tend to leave things behind. Let’s get a move on.”
“Um, Tarry?” I began, fastening my seat belt.
“Yep” And we were on our way.
“How do you know Aunt Tusu?”
His laughter caught me by surprise.
“I have known Tutu since middle school. She saw me for who I really was before I even knew.”
Nodding politely, I said nothing. Well, that helped...NOT!
Still laughing, “Doesn’t look like that pleased your curiosity.”
Blushing, “No, I guess it didn’t.”
“Well we got some time, let me see if I can help you along.” Merging onto the highway.
We had traveled quite a bit before Tarry spoke again.
“I was 12 when I first met Tutu. I didn’t call her Tutu at the time,that would come later.” Maneuvering through traffic. “My folks and I had just moved to town over the summer. When the school year began, we were in the same homeroom. For the first couple weeks I was invisible, but then the boys started to notice I wasn’t a normal girl. A few of them decided it was their job to show the contempt and dissatisfaction the collective felt towards me.”
He glanced over at me., “Do you understand?”
Staring blankly, I felt my anxiety rise up my back. “Are you…” I didn’t know how to finish the question without potentially insulting him.
“Transgender?”
Bowing my head, I nodded.
“Yes. I have been since the beginning of my life, but didn’t realize it until your Aunt told me when I was 13.”
“Really?!?” Snapping my head to look at him.
“For the next few weeks, the violence towards me elevated. It started out as pushing me around and stuffing me in lockers. Then it went to stealing my things and shoving my face into my lunch.”
“Wasn’t the principal or teachers doing anything?” I asked, dumbfounded.
“No.” he chuckled
“That sucks.”
“Yep.” Adjusting his seating. “The day Tutu stepped in to save my skinny a--, um,” clearing throat, “rump. The boys had me pinned on the floor of the art room. One was punching me in the face, another was kicking me in the stomach and the third was pulling my pants off. Tutu hd been walking by, heard my screaming, busted in and whipped her bookbag into the third guy’s head.” He chuckled.
Dumbfounded, I couldn’t do anything more than stare in awe at Tarry’s story.
“She was a tough, old bird even at a young age.”
“Then what happened?”
“The boys turned on Tutu, who stood her ground, fists raised ready to take on all three. I pulled my clothes straight and ran to the door.”
“You left her!?!” I screeched.
“Relax, little man. No way in hell was I gonna leave her.” Turn off the highway. “I ran to the door and pulled the fire alarm.”
The conversation lulled for a few minutes as we pulled into a rest area to gas up and grab some nosh.
“So, Tarry, what happened after you pulled the alarm?” I asked after we had evened out on the highway again.
Setting his coffee in the holder, “Mr. Cunningham, the arts teacher, busted open the door, yelling at us to fall in formation outside.”
“The boys got away with it?”
“They did that day. We grabbed our bags, the boys went to the left, Tutu and I took off to the right. We ran and ran until we thought we were going to collapse. We ended up out behind Max’s just before lunch rush.”
“Max’s? The burger joint by the highway?”
“That’s the one.” Taking a bite from his sandwich, he paused, watching the road. “We had only been there long enough to catch our breath when Maxie herself came out the kitchen door hauling buckets of muck from the fryers. She looked at us, asked for help and told us to come inside for some lunch.”
“I never met Maxie. Was she really that nice?”
“She was a great lady, but I wouldn’t have said nice.” he chuckled. “She had a charitable heart. She was a hard worker and she’d give you the shirt off your back if you needed it without a single question asked. However, if you tried to talk to her or spend time with her, you might as well as had tried to get her to vote Republican. Beautiful woman, but...forgive my language…” tipping his head in my direction, “she was one cantankerous old bitty. Even in her 30s.”
I couldn’t control the giggle that escaped. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to laugh, but you make her sound like a Fairy Godmother on a bender.”
“Ha!” he coughed out. “That sounds right.”
We rode in companionable silence for a few more miles before continuing on with his story.
“Anyway, it was a few months before the boys started to pick on me again.” He seemed to get lost in his memories. Suddenly, “It was Tutu that found me. The boys had grabbed me on my way to meet Tutu at the library. They dragged me behind the lumberyard, beat on me for who knows how long, before they pulled my clothes off and…”
Staring wide-eyed, I couldn’t believe my ears.
“Well, you can guess what happened. When they were done and had left me for dead, I curled up in a ball and lay there crying until I passed out. Could have been moments, minutes, hours, or months.” waving his hand in the air. “All I remember is waking to Tutu’s touch on my face. How she found me, I will never know, but she did.”
Not sure what to say, I took a bite from my burger so there was no room for my foot.
“She wrapped a lapghan around me and held me as I cried.” Chuckling, “Funny enough, if you had asked me I would have thought I was all teared out.”
“Lapghan? Why did she have a lapghan?” I inquired.
“I asked her that once, she told me she had a dream I told her she should not go to the library, but meet me behind the lumberyard and to bring a blanket.”
“A dream?”
“A dream. Not just. It was a dream that I had told her to bring me a blanket at the lumberyard when we had clearly made plans to meet at the library.”
“Weird.”
“Minimally, but she followed her dream and because of it she saved my life.”
“Really?”
“Yep. At least that’s my take on it. All things considered because I was sure I was dead, I am very, very glad that she followed the dream’s suggestion with no questions asked.”
“What happened after she found you?” Hesitantly queried.
“She helped me up, got me dressed and took me home where she made my folks call the police.”
Alarmed, “They weren’t going to call the cops?”
“Nope. They originally told me it was in my imagination and, perhaps, if I dressed appropriately they would not have had the inclination to prove I was or was not what I lied to people about being.” He snagged his coffee and took a long pull from the styrofoam cup.
“They believed…” I didn’t know what to say.
“My folks believed that me calling myself a boy was the reason those boys chose to beat on and rape me.” He flung his cup into the trash bag. “Neff, remember, sometimes people you love are assholes and there is nothing you can do about it. You just have to let them be who they are going to be and you be true to you. Understand?”
Looking at the discarded cup, my scraps of my burger growing cold in my hand, nodding, “Unfortunately.”
“All right. Enough of this heavy crap. Finish your burger, we’re just about there.” Motioning towards exit sign on the end of the highway.
“Yes, sir.” Taking a big bite of my burger. “Can I ask another question?” I spoke around a mouthful of meat and bread.
Smiling brightly, “Once you empty your mouth, yes.”
Nodding, chewing and trying not to choke, I swallowed a piece almost too big for my throat. “When did you know?”
“Know?”
Spiraling my hand, “You know. When did you know you were a, um, uh…” I couldn’t finish the sentence. The last time I had spoken the words out loud they had gotten me thrown out of the only home I had ever known. What if I said them now and got pitched onto the side of the road in the middle of god knows where?
“Are you asking me, when did I know I was a boy and not a girl?” He sniggered.
“Well, um, yes? When did you first know you weren’t a normal girl?” Diverting my eyes to my lap.
“No need to feel embarrassed. It’s all good. I don’t mind sharing with a kinfolk.” Taking the exit. “I was about seven when I first realized I wasn’t interested in the regular girl things, but it wasn’t until I was about eleven when I realized the reason behind my discomfort with societal norms.”
“Eleven? So was I!” I was almost feeling excited to find someone who had already forged a path. “Can I ask you another question?”
“Besides that one? Sure.” Tarry was nearly laughing by the time we stopped at the end of the off-ramp.
“How did your parents react when you finally came out to them?” stuttering.
“Ah.” Nodding understandingly, “They didn’t. They didn’t throw me out of their house entirely, but they did move me out to the above-garage-apartment and that is where I lived from approximately fourteen until I was seventeen. Then I got a free-ride to art school in the city and was gone with the wind. I never looked back and they never reached out.”
Dejectedly, “Oh.”
“I suppose it was as much my fault as it was theirs. I never tried to make contact again. They both passed away, Dad in a car accident and Mom to cancer, nearly ten years later.”
Unsure of what was going to happen next, I shrugged and finished my burger.
“And here we are.” Tarry declared, pulling into a scenic overlook. A very abandoned, very secluded and very suspicious scenic overlook.
“Um, uh, what are we doing here?” I asked, spinning my head around nervously.
“This is the Michels scenic overlook. This is where Tutu said to meet her.” Looking at his watch, “She should be around any minute now. We’re running a few minutes early.”
“Aunt Tusu is going to meet up here?”
“Supposed to.”
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